Having finally seen The Hobbit, it’s time to add my manly tones to the already thousands-strong choir of internet douchebags who think their opinions matter. I didn’t end up seeing it in the now-infamous and almost universally panned 48fps, but I did see it in IMAX 3D. I’m tempted to hunt for a high frame rate (HFR) screening, but it seems like an exercise in self abuse. It’s like watching a DVD and then deciding you want to watch it again, except this time you want to pay for the privilege of chugging a pint of cold piss at 6 minute intervals.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)
I think I might just skip plot summaries in my reviews from now on. I write them myself and to me, it seems like a lot of effort to tell people something they already know, especially when dealing with a film such as this. You want a summary? IMDB is your friend. I am not. Anyway- Martin Freeman is fantastic as the finicky Bilbo. He’s a joy to watch and I totally bought that Freeman was the younger version of the the Ian Holm Bilbo we’re all familiar with. In fact, the casting is spot-on throughout. All the dwarves are well done and most have distinct personalities (apart from the fat one who just eats- HAHAHAHA HE’S FAT LOOOOOOL). It’s nice to see McKellen back as Gandalf and I liked seeing a good portion of the Rings crew make cameos. I even liked Sylvester McCoy’s Radagast, despite having read reviews comparing him to Jar Jar Binks. That’s some cold shit. He’s a bit too zany and most of his scenes end “hilariously” with him going cross-eyed, but Christ, let’s not force the kiddies out of a film supposedly for them, eh?
Okay, here’s where I will probably lose most of you. Apart from the Rings trilogy, there is another film that The Hobbit kept reminding me of : The Bourne Legacy. Now before you wrinkle up your face and scream “WHAT THE FUCK?!” at the nearest sentient being, let me explain. My main problem with The Bourne Legacy was that it was relying too much on audience familiarity with the preceding series. For instance, there’s a bit where Jeremy Renner looks up at a wooden slat on a bunk bed where Jason Bourne’s name is etched. It doesn’t mean anything to the character in the film and is only there for the audience’s benefit. A neat little reference is fine, but Legacy kept on pulling this shit and it’s the same with The Hobbit. Both films seemed scared to step out of their respective series’ shadow. The Hobbit brings in characters from the films that weren’t in the book, recycles music (I swear 90% of the score is just a greatest hits compilation from the original trilogy) and even has the same sweeping shots of the New Zealand landscape to accompany the stolen triumphant score.
This was all summed up for me in one little bit when Bilbo meets Gollum. It’s a wonderful, incredibly well done scene where we see Bilbo play a deadly game of riddles and ultimately steal the One Ring from Gollum. There’s a moment where the ring drops to the ground and we’re treated to a slow motion, “Holy shit guys! It’s the actual fucking ring that sets off a whole bunch of fuck! Isn’t this significant?!” shot as the ring clatters to the ground. I’m not saying I know better than Peter Jackson, but if I was in his position, I would have just had a quick shot of this at normal speed, if I even decided to put it in at all. Why? Because I thought the whole point of the ring was that it was just a seemingly small, insignificant thing that just happened to be hugely important. We know how significant it is already because we’ve seen hours and hours of the consequences. I think that’s my main problem with prequels like this, the audience is always several steps in front of the characters and you’re just waiting for them to catch up. There’s no intrigue or second guessing. You know certain characters are going to survive because you’ve seen them as older people. It all gets a bit plodding at times too, especially when we spend a good 40 minutes or so at the start in boring old Hobbiton. Jackson was very smart when it came to trimming bits of the Rings books for the screen, but here he’s got no choice but to cram every single character and every single little event in to stretch the runtime out. Fucking studios will be the death of film.
Having just vomited all that bile above, you may think I hated The Hobbit. I really didn’t. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The writing’s great. The acting is top notch. The special effects (for the most part) are astounding. Nobody does a big old quest film quite like Jackson and I had a hell of a lot of fun with it. One of my favourite bits was an (alluded to in Fellowship) encounter with three hungry, thick trolls . I just love that they give these lumbering mythical creatures a rough approximation of a Cockney accent. The wonderful vistas and locations are back too, the most impressive of which undoubtedly being the huge room of gold in the Lonely Mountain. As I said before, the meeting of Gollum and Bilbo was also a huge highlight for me with Andy Serkis giving another incredible performance as everyone’s favourite schizophrenic. All the action works well and it’s fun to sit back and enjoy the ride. It’s a proper event movie and there’s nothing wrong with that.
The Hobbit is really good, there are just a few major things that stop it from achieving true greatness- most of which, annoyingly, seem to be outside studio problems like the whole “two into three” decision and the fact it’s in underwhelming 3D. It’s too long and a bit too padded, the latter of which I forsee will become a big problem during the second film as they’re pretty much halfway through the book at the end of the film by my calculations. It’s not nearly as bad as I had braced myself for though. It’s actually very good. Lord of the Rings fans will lap it up as it is very much a Lord of the Rings take on The Hobbit, rather than a shared universe film. I realise this is a very negative sounding review, but the things I haven’t mentioned are fine as they are. It’s a good old fashioned family adventure that we haven’t had for about a decade. I just hope The Desolation of Smaug moves away from its older brothers and starts showing off what it can do.