I’ve had some very positive feedback on this site so far, which is nice. However, the one criticism of it is that I’ve been too positive i.e. only reviewing good films. I hold my hands up to this, I have. I realise that if I want to be taken seriously I have to give something a certificate in shittiness. Well, here goes:
I know it’s not exactly hard to rag on a film like this. The thing that gets to me, apart from it being as funny as a kitten with cancer, is that it believes that it’s funny. I cannot express how fucking infuriating that is. I watched the film online for free and I still feel cheated .The other thing that pisses me off is that it made $84,558,676 worldwide at the Box Office. 84 million Dollars?! FUCK OFF. That statistic depresses me beyond belief.
I am being completely honest when I say that whilst watching this I had to stop myself from closing the window and getting on with something less painful many times over. Yes, we get it. “300” was pretty homoerotic. Yes, Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab a couple of times. Yes, Paris Hilton is dumb. These are things we know and have known for a long time. I think I object to the fact that the film treats you like a moron from the off. So far as to have all the other characters announce the “celebrity” who is being portrayed- “Paris Hilton?!” etc.
Thing is, even the parodying is lazy. Parody as a genre already teeters on the edge of Cheapknockoffsville just to make a quick buck. However, when someone literally trips over a “Transformer Cube” you know that you’re in trouble. The film made it personal when it lazily chucked out a “Casino Royale” torture scene parody. Oh, and that Britney Spears bit where she’s kicked down the pit? Tasteless. I’m not a huge Britney fan, but c’mon- the woman clearly has mental health issues. At the risk of sounding Chris Crocker-like (yes, that also makes an appearance) leave her alone.
“I’m a Hilton, I don’t bow… but I do bend over. “
A rating? I’m going to have to give it nothing, nada, zilch. It simply doesn’t deserve one.