Category: Review

Hanna

That’s right, kids! It’s Four Review Tuesday! Yes, this is the part of the show where I realise I have nothing better to do today than assuage my personal guilt for not updating my blog regularly enough. First up is Hanna, as it is still viewable in your local cinematorium.

Hanna (2011)
  
 
I don’t really buy into the whole “young assassin” thing any more. It was fine in Léon as it seemed organic, but Hit-Girl in Kick-Ass and now Hanna in er…Hanna seem to be taking it a bit too far. I’m sure that if you trained a toddler how to use firearms and nunchucks as soon as they could hold them up until say, their 12th birthday, you’d have a considerable ass-whuppin’ machine on your hands. The thing I have a problem with is the hand-to-hand fighting. No way would a 12 year old be able to take on a fully grown adult thug. These aren’t just random never-been-in-a-fight adults. They’re trained, paid muscle. No fucking way. Anyway. Too much thinking, not enough reviewing. 
“You didn’t prepare me for this.”
Hanna stars Saoirse Ronan as the eponymous heroine, a teen assassin (fuck off) trained from a young age by her father, former CIA man Erik Heller (Eric Bana). She has had an unsual upbringing, consisting mostly of mystery and intensive combat training in the Finnish wilderness. After some plot spoiler-y stuff happens, Hanna finds herself hunted by a corrupt CIA agent named Marissa Weigler (Cate Blanchett). The easiest comparision to draw to this film is that of the Jason Bourne trilogy, specifically The Bourne Identity. I wanted to do something with the phrase “kiddie Bourne” but my ethics committee advised against it. The details are changed, but a skilled killer being persued across many locations by a government agency whilst all the time finding out about their past? The protagonist could be a fucking dog with three legs and still remind me of the Bourne films. Anyway, the plot isn’t bad by any stretch and does keep you interested until the Chemical Brothers scored credits roll. Saoirse Ronan is seriously impressive as Hanna, being able to realistically portray a detached, cold blooded killer with a loveable innocent side. Unfortunately, she sometimes reminded me of great Luna Lovegood from the Harry Potter films, giving a whole new spin to the general grittiness. Her accent was dead on too. Thinking about it, accents are probably one of the major recurring interests in this film. For every great one (Ronan and surprisingly, Eric Bana) there’s a not-so-great one (Blanchett’s Southern drawl is terrible as is Tom Hollander’s stereotypical camp Cherman accent) 
Hanna herself is a great character. She’s a killer, but also a childhood-less teen. There’s a great scene in Morocco where Hanna first comes into contact with modern technology such as television and kettles. Up to this point, we’ve seen Hanna comfortably navigate government buildings packed with highly-trained agents and traverse great distances on her own. It’s a great moment of vulnerability. The film’s later attempts to expand upon this are less successful. Hanna meets a fucking annoying British family consisting of a “yummeh mummeh”, posh-areas-of-London type matriarch, an easy-going beardy dad and two kids, a teen daughter Sophie and a little boy, Miles. Sophie befriends Hanna and is often used as the comparative “normal” teen and it gets pretty grating. There’s a sweet scene involving a bracelet, but the scene where some Spanish boys take the girls out takes a wrong turn at Charm Street and goes down Annoyance Avenue instead. If Hanna’d actually kissed the boy, it would have been fine and touching. As it stands, it seems like a desperate attempt at humour. However (invisotexted movie spoiling talk) the reveal on who or what Hanna is feels like it belongs in another film. You can’t have gritty realism one minute and drag out the ol’ genetically created super soldier thing the next. It doesn’t work.
Blanchett’s character, conversely, is weaker than a petrol station coffee. She’s incredibly vain and always cleaning her teeth or being concerned with her attire. That’s basically her in a nutshell. The usually awesome Tom Hollander as a camp, bleached blonde, tracksuited German doesn’t work either. My mate Laurence made a good point, remarking that Hollander and his skinhead cronies reminded him of ’70s Bond villains. Nail on the head there- and there’s not even a cocked Moore eyebrow to balance things out.
The action scenes are great and not at all what I’d expect from the director of Atonement. The fight choreography is especially good and both Ronan and Bana impress in equal measures. The brief shootout between Marissa and Heller is impressive and genuinely exciting. The locales are gorgeous too, ranging from the beautiful Finnish woods to a creepy-as-shit abandoned theme park. Whoever was the location scout deserves a raise.
“I just missed your heart.”
There’s just something about Hanna I didn’t like. There are some compelling performances and some enjoyable action bits, but there’s something that doesn’t quite gel. The whole film’s a bit off-kilter and can’t decide what it wants to be. I initially enjoyed it in the cinema, but looking back the good things started to fade away. It’s alright, just not as amazing as all the good reviews led me to believe it would be.

Attack The Block

I’m caught in limbo at the moment as I want to review films whilst they’re still in cinemas, but have a backlog to catch up on too. It’s only going to get worse as the new Pirates of the Caribbean is out this week and I will just have to see and review that. Feel sorry for me, oh patient reader. Or tell me to get a fucking life. One of the two.

Attack The Block (2011)
 
There are two things that I’ve got to be careful of when reviewing Attack The Block so as not to parrot what every other lazy reviewer has said. I’m hoping by mentioning them, it will show that I’m aware of other reviews and that this one is superior to them in every conceivable way. Firstly, let’s get that tired Shaun of the Dead comparison out of the way. Yes, it’s a British made, Britain set film concerning fictional (prove me wrong, Universe!) creatures, it takes its cue from seminal horror films and it’s got Nick Frost in it. Still, Attack The Block is its own beast and comparing it to that zombie masterstroke is unfair (even though it’s right there at the top of the frickin’ poster). Two- at no point in this review will I attempt to sound like a hooded London yoof for a cheap laugh. It’s damn tempting, but I’d like to think I’m better than that.

“Well done, lads! You’ve discovered a species hitherto unknown to science and you’ve kicked its head in!”

Set in the estates of South London, Attack The Block opens, fairly controversially, with a nurse (Jodie Whittaker) getting mugged by a gang of stereotypical hoodies led by the rather intimidating Moses (John Boyega). However, their knifey-happy-fun time is cut short when an meteorite containing a weird rat/chimp alien crashes into a nearby parked car. The gang naturally decide to chase after it and kill it, triumphantly taking the body to stoner Ron (Nick Frost) for identification. Whilst in his 19th floor flat, the gang notice more meteorites crashing all over the city. Craving alien blood, they decide to get tooled up and head out for a fight. The plot is basically your standard alien invasion narrative transported to the London blocks, which works really well. The overall story may be fairly predictable, but the details have been changed, adding up to a new and fresh feeling experience. The cast are all really good, which is especially impressive considering about half of them are making their film debuts. John Boyega in particular was great as the sullen Moses and handles his character’s evolution like a seasoned professional. I also thought the kiddie duo of Probs and Mayhem (Sammy Williams and Michael Ajao) were brilliant and managed to avoid being tooth-gnashingly irritating like most child actors.

Debut director Joe Cornish (he of Adam & Joe fame) clearly loves the medium and Attack The Block is an homage to various 1980’s creature features and the work of John Carpenter. Having not grown up with these films and only seen the bare minimum, I got the feeling that I was missing out on a few layers of context throughout, but this is a minor quibble. Even without most of the intertextuality, it’s obvious that Cornish has a great directorial style and a real knack for visuals. I loved the design of the aliens and thought that the fact that they had glow-in-the-dark teeth was fucking awesome. I could have done with the aliens being scarier though, as we only really get a few jump-scares and the like to establish the danger the gang is in. If the threat was more palpable it would have added an extra charge to the already exciting action sequences. Having said that, there is a great, tension-filled scene concerning a huge number of them which is done really well.

Hoodies have been demonised for a quite a while now (so much so that a couple of years ago I happened to be wearing a hooded top and some comedienne-in-training came up to me and asked if I’d vandalised any trains lately. I’d like to inform people not in the know that I’m hardly intimidating- there are scarier Furbies out there than me.) and the decision to have them as our gang of heroes is a sound one. I did feel that the film leant towards portraying them as misunderstood a bit too much. I’m sure a lot of them are, but statistically some of them must just be violent little pricks.

Much has been made of the gangs’ speech and it is refreshing to hear a more realistic take on how young people talk. Newcomers needn’t worry about understanding the odd word as the script does a great job of allowing the audience to understand via context. It’s funny, but hearing this sort of slang at the cinema pumping out of the speakers, rather than from some little shites in the audience that won’t shut their damn talkholes, reminded me of A Clockwork Orange‘s Nadsat dialect, which really works in the film’s favour. If you are a Londoner however, it may just remind you of a depressing late night trip down the off-licence.

“It’s raining Gollums!”
I enjoyed the hell out of Attack The Block. For every flaw it had, there were ten great things to balance it out. It’s funny, exciting and it made me genuinely proud that a film as good as this is a British production. I’ve made this point before, but it’s nice to know the admission price is going to the British film industry for a change, instead of an obscene international money pile. So, go and see it rather than downloading it or I’ll come to your ends and merk ya.*



*What I think about myself and what I am are two very different things.

Thor

Still catching up, still got to post my reviews of Arthur, Rio, Sucker Punch and Hanna– but again- Thor‘s in cinemas at the very moment. You should go and see it if you haven’t. Fuck Rio, but especially fuck Sucker Punch.

Thor (2011)

 

Confession time. I didn’t know much about Thor beforehand. I knew the traditional Norse myth but wasn’t familiar with the Marvel incarnation, which as it turns out, is basically the same. 2011, despite what D.C. would like you to think with the release of Green Lantern, is the year of Marvel with this, Captain America and X-Men: First Class all out this Summer. Of the three, Thor was the one I had the most reservations about. It seemed like just a live action feature they had to get out of the way to justify his appearance in Joss Whedon’s 2012 superhero clusterfuck The Avengers. I’m happy to say I was proved wrong. Thor is a lot of fun. See below for details and attractive people naked.

“He has disobeyed his king… his fate is in his own hands now.”

The story goes thusly: Thor, God of Thunder (played by Star Trek‘s Chris “Tiberius?… That’s the worst!” Hemsworth) is banished from glittery, stellar megacity Asgard by his father, the Norse head honcho Odin (Sir Anthony Hopkins) and ends up on Earth, stripped of his powers and his trusty hammer Mjolnir, where he is rightfully dismissed as a babbling mentalist by all apart from cosmic scientist Jane (Natalie Portman) and her team (Stellan Skarsgard and Kat Dennings). Meanwhile, back at Asgard, Thor’s snidey little brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) takes advantage of his father’s weakened state and seizes control. I thought Chris Hemsworth was great as Thor, spouting some genuinely funny lines and approaching the role with just the right amount of tongue-in-cheek. Tom Hiddleston was excellent as Loki and reminded me a lot of Brad Dourif’s turn as Grima Wormtongue in The Lord of the Rings films. I’m also feckin’ excited that he’s confirmed to appear in The Avengers. The guy’s great and I can’t wait to see more of him. Fans of The Wire can also look forward to the sight of Idris Elba in spangly gold disco armour. Character wise, my main gripes were with the two female leads, who, whilst played perfectly well by Portman and Dennings, were underdeveloped. Dennings’ character Darcy especially seems to only exist to say unfunny, sarcastic things and appeal to da yout’ by mentioning things like Facebook.

The thing I really liked about Thor was the fact it makes no concessions about its comic origins. It’s unapologetically fantastical. Everyone talks in deep Shakespearian tones and wears armour that looks like it weighs about the same as a Fiat Punto with heavy shopping in the boot. It’s also interesting to note that Thor is a God and has therefore not been bitten by a radioactive Viking or anything like that. Magic, rather than pseudo science is the basis in this flick.

The initially baffling choice of Kenneth Branagh to direct really pays off and no matter how space opera everything gets, Branagh keeps it on the straight and narrow and focuses on the main story of redemption and lesson-learning. That’s not to say things don’t go boom though. Thor has some really impressive, fun action sequences too. All the nerds who stayed after the credits for Iron Man 2 will recall that SHIELD have custody of the hammer Mjolnir and the stripped down, fists to faces sequence that takes place in the SHIELD compound is really good. There’s a nerd bonus in the form of a Hawkeye cameo too. I’ve said it elsewhere on this blog, but I fucking love how all these films are linking together. OK, Iron Man 2 went overboard with the Avengers foreshadowing, but it was a genuine thrill to see Agent Coulson from the Iron Man films show up. The climactic action on Earth is also amazing- fighting a space Viking robot flamethrower thing powered by magic? FUCK YES.

“Do you want me to take him down or would you rather send in more guys for him to beat up?”

It’s nice that in a time when superhero movies feel the need to be dark and gritty to be taken seriously, a slice of escapist fun like Thor can exist. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Drop your cynicism (or should that be “Don’t be Asgarded”?) and you might too. Also, as always, stay after the credits- the little post credits scene is really worth staying for.

Water For Elephants

Got loads of reviews to catch up on, but thought I’d get this one out first whilst it’s still fresh in my memory. Don’t take the fact that I saw it on release date as an endorsement or anything either.

Water For Elephants (2011)
 
Before I start, let us just look at the title. Something about it just strikes me oddly. It seems like it should be the ironic title for some poor African refugee’s life story, not some guff involving circuses. At the very end of the film the title flashes up again, like we’re all meant to have a deeper understanding of it. Well I didn’t- it was a throwaway line of dialogue spoken by an extra. Very odd. Anyway, I wasn’t exactly counting down the days until I saw Gravy For Dolphins but as I’ve seen it, I thought I should share my thoughts like I always do.
“I don’t know if I picked that circus. But something told me that circus picked me.”
Water For Elephants starts with 90 year old Jacob Jankowski (Hal Holbrook) recounting his days in the circus when he looked like, not to mention was as thespianally challenged as, a certain Mr. Robert Pattinson. Jankowski is a failed veterinary surgeon who falls on very hard times and ends up employed by the Benzini Brothers travelling circus, run by ringleader and part-time psychopath August Rosenbluth (Christoph Waltz). Whilst there, Jacob starts getting closer to August’s wife and star attraction Marlena (Reese Witherspoon) who delights audiences with her gymnastics, trained horse shows and her ability to break cinderblocks with her massive chin. Also, a special shout-out to Bishop Brennan himself Jim Norton, who does a fine job as Camel- Jacob’s hard drinkin’ mentor.
The plot is damn familiar. We start with a very Titanic-esque framing device and the deja-vu doesn’t let up from there. If you’ve ever seen a gangster film where the rookie takes a shine to a beautiful girl only to find she belongs to the big boss, you’ve seen this film. The romance is as standard as this very sentence proclaiming it so. Robert Pattinson hasn’t learned to act yet. Lager For Crocodiles was the film that enabled me to work out my big problem with him- he can’t frown or smile convincingly. Whenever he frowns, he looks like he’s really concentrating on frowning, rather than y’know acting. His frowny face reminded me of the face a baby pulls when it’s shitting itself- oddly intense. Reece Witherspoon didn’t do much apart from squeeze into glittery costumes. Christoph Waltz was good as August, but his character seemed like a watered down version of Hans Landa to me. Where Landa was quietly malevolent for most of Inglourious Basterds, August is an out-and-out bell-end, leaving us with a caricature of a bad guy and not a believable presence. Still, he’s better here than as Chudnofsky in The Green Hornet.
This film is safe, safe, safe. We have preteen poontang magnet Pattinson coupled with Oscar winners Witherspoon and Waltz. It’s a bankable cast. Setting aside the lavish circus setting, it’s a boring but time-tested and financially viable story of forbidden romance. The film is strangely hollow, with any light-hearted moments (excluding the ones with the genuinely brilliant elephant) strangely empty. There’s a bit where Jacob gets has too much to drink and wakes up in a box, in full clown makeup and a dress. Normally this would be a funny moment, but it feels too contrived to garner any joy. The only bit that got a significant reaction from the audience was when Rosie the elephant did a handstand. It’s fucking impressive and almost worth the price of admission alone. 
“You do right by me, I’ll show you a life most suckers can’t even dream of.”
Pepsi For Lemurs isn’t a bad film, but it isn’t great either. Although stuff happened, I have found myself properly struggling to think of anything else to write about it. Whilst the ending isn’t quite what you expect, there’s one bit which is so fucking ridiculous I let out a loud snort of derision audible above the shitstorm happening on-screen. It’s the sort of film you buy for your Mum on DVD for Mother’s Day ‘cos “she likes that Cullen boy and ooh, loves Reece Witherspoon.” When it comes down to it, Water For Elephants is perfectly fine for what it is, it’s just not very exciting.

Source Code

I dun seen a new film hur hur hurrr….

Source Code (2011)
 
Yep, been sitting on this for a few days, but only been well enough to actually type up my thoughts recently. Source Code is by far the least brain-rotting thing in cinemas at the moment (Rio and especially Sucker Punch should have mental health warnings on the posters), so here are my thoughts on why you should see it this Easter instead of a film containing annoying, squawking birds or indeed, Rio.
“It’s the same train, but it’s different.”

Source Code tells the story of U.S. Army Helicopter pilot Capt. Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) as he is drafted for a top secret experiment that enables him to go back to the past (in somebody else’s body) for a short amount of time. Stevens is plonked onto a doomed train and told he must prevent the train bomber from blowing up a much nastier and deadlier device in the centre of Chicago. I love the overall idea of Source Code. It’s probably best described as a cross between Groundhog Day and Quantum Leap. Gyllenhaal is on his most convincing form since his other time turny flick, Donnie Darko. Michelle Monaghan was a nice surprise, although I haven’t seen her in much other than Eagle Eye– and anything’s a step up from that wankreel. Both Jeffrey Wright (yay, Felix!) and Vera Farmiga also deserve recognition for their work. They’re great.
If you’re some kind of embittered cynic who is firmly rooted in reality, Source Code will probably annoy you. Just like all the best sci-fi films, Source Code doesn’t let explanation weigh down what makes the central concept fun. The answer to how this amazing time jumping thing is possible is vaguely explained, but who the shit cares when you have Jake “The Chest” Gyllenhaal tear-arsing around trying to find a bomber? The literal race against time is too well done for you to be getting hung up on the preposterous. It says a lot for a film where the only element I found to be too jarring in the temporal-twisty-crikey-kaboom flick was when Stevens uses Microsoft’s Bing search engine on his phone rather than just Googling. Ridiculous. Nobody Bings anything.
What I really liked about Source Code was the same thing I liked about director Duncan Jones’ previous film Moon– the level of characterisation. Ol’ Zowie Bowie knows the way to find the human in the story and I can’t imagine Source Code working as well as it does without his involvement. Whilst Stevens isn’t the only character we’re introduced to like Sam Rockwell in Moon, we do learn a lot about him as the film progresses. Much like Groundhog Day, our hero is the only one who can remember his previous 8 minute stints so we see the changes in his attitude each go-around. It’s an effective technique which succeeds in actually making you care about these characters. I understood why Stevens began falling for Christina and believed he cared about her. It’s funny, but with a lot of films like this I usually believe that the inevitable and clearly signposted romance is just advanced lust. They haven’t had time to get to know each other- they’ve just been through some stuff and recognise that they find each other attractive. I would love to see the statistics on the relationships formed over the course of an action film. Only about 2% would make it past the first month.
Although I’ve just talked about the romance, I don’t consider that a spoiler. There’s an incredibly nerdy game I used to play as a stupid child called “Willkiss”. I would look at a film poster, take the lead actor’s name and say “will kiss” and then add the lead actress’ name. It still works about 90% of the time. It’s so shite and obvious now but back then it made me feel like I was a psychic for a few brief brilliant moments. Ahem… Anyway, I am going to talk about the ending and some proper spoilers now. So go and see the film, come back and highlight what comes next. Then send naked pictures of yourself to me (family excluded- I’ve seen enough scarring things on my computer screen). That ending- (invisotext, muthas) I don’t know about you, but I found the ending to be a little too happy. I’m all for positive endings and even wanted one for this film, but the overwhelmingly postive vibe really clashed with the dark tone the third act had established. I half expected dancing CGI animals to pop up. It just didn’t seem to be the natural ending. Still I really liked the twist and the happy clappy thing only marred what is still an excellent film very slightly. Also, since I’m under the spoiler-proof cover, I thought Michael Arden’s bastardly Derek Frost was fantastic. The scene where Chesty Jake utterly foils him is so damn good and in my opinion, owes that awesomeness to Arden’s performance.

“Tell me everything’s gonna be okay.”
So, Source Code. It’s great. The script is sharp, direction great and the actors are all compelling. It’s one of the most satisfying thrillers I’ve seen in ages and definitely warrants a viewing. Go and see, then wish you could travel back in time an hour and a half to watch it again.

The Social Network

Don’t worry. By clicking on my blog you haven’t accidentally opened up a wormhole to October last year when this film was new, fresh and exciting. Having only just seen it recently, I figured it was a glaring omission from my ever-growing archive of pointless cinematic opinion shouting and soapbox mounting. So, just in case you haven’t seen one of last year’s most talked about films, allow me to take your hand and gently guide you from the very same soundproof cave I had been living in until very recently.

The Social Network (2010)
 
As far as pitches go, “The story of Facebook” is right up there with “The history of Dairylea triangles” on the list of films I’d avoid like a flick-knife wielding superplague. However, with all the glowing reviews, Oscar wins and sheer talent involved, I felt it needed to be checked out. If you were wondering how a film of The Popcorn Bucket would go down, it’d basically be me (a young Orson Welles digitally superimposed onto Jonah Hill’s body) sat at my computer for an hour and a half, alternately masturbating and plagiarising huge chunks from funnythingstosayaboutfilms.com. Thanks for asking.
“Eduardo, I’m not talking about a dating site, I’m talking about taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online.”  
The Social Network is the (mostly) truthful account of the creation of everybody’s favourite drain on productivity. We follow Mark Zuckerberg (Jessie Eisenberg) and his friend and co-founder Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield) as they stumble upon the idea of Facebook and with the help of Napster founder Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake) turn it from a literal bedroom project to multi-billion dollar company. The film focuses on the several lawsuits filed against Zuckerberg with all the creation and early Havard stuff being told in flashback. The plot is genuinely interesting and is a fascinating insight into one of the grittiest high-profile lawsuits in recent history. Props must be given to Jesse Eisenberg, who I initially dismissed as a poor man’s Michael Cera, who gives a great, but strangely robotic turn as Zuckerberg. Andrew Garfield was decent too, making me anticipate his wearing of the Spider-tights next year all the more. Justin Timberlake was also good as the sleazy, easily-punchable Sean Parker, proving that there isn’t much the Reverend J.T. can’t do. As a whole, the film is extremely well put together with the just feckin’ fantastic direction of David Fincher prevalent throughout. The Oscar winning soundtrack by Trent Reznor (he of Nine Inch Nails fame) and Atticus Ross is fantastic and deserves all the shiny awards that have been bestowed upon it. It’s way better than it needs to be for this sort of film, but you’ll be glad (as I was) it was there.
I have a real liking for courtroom dramas so the way that The Social Network plays out really appealed to me. If you are expecting some A Few Good Men esque grandiose court setting (like I was when I heard about the film) you’ll be disappointed, as all the legal stuff takes place in a standard office setting. Writer Aaron Sorkin (famous for the rapid-fire dialogue in The West Wing and coincidentally enough, A Few Good Men) lets the words be the courtroom dressing as a story of greed and betrayal slowly becomes clear. The thing I really liked about The Social Network is that everyone involved is a different flavour of douchebag (with the exception of Saverin, but since the source novel could also be accused of Saverin bias as he was the only one willing to talk to the author, I can assume some of his foibles were obviously omitted). Zuckerberg is portrayed as an awkward prick, knowing more about lines of code than how to maintain relationships. After the opening scene where he and his girlfriend break up whilst talking at 100mph, he gets a bit drunk and posts some hateful thoughts about her and her small breasts on his Livejournal. If there were such a thing as an Irony Vampire (and there isn’t, don’t be so fucking ridiculous), he could gorge himself silly on the fact that the socially retarded Zuckerberg invented something which has changed the way millions of people interact with each other on a daily basis.
The opening third or so of the film is devoted to Zuckerberg and Saverin’s partnership and the initial stages of the website. After Zuckerberg is approached by the jockish Winklevoss twins (confusingly both played by Armie Hammer but also involving actor Josh Pence) to create some Havard exclusive social site, things start to go awry as Zuckerberg initially agrees to code it , but then ignores them whilst working on the insanely popular and controversially similar “The Facebook”. All of this eventually leads to the first lawsuit against ol’ Zucky. With things between Zuckerberg and Saverin already strained due to the different directions they want to take the site in, all it takes is the flashy Sean Parker to really mess things up. Parker, fresh from his Napster shaped middle finger to the music industry, swoops in and basically says what Zuckerberg wants to hear, which leaves Saverin playing catch-up with his own pet project as the two new bezzie mates start expanding the site. The film then becomes a more familiar tale of back-stabbing which is truly heartbreaking, especially since Saverin seems to be the only one willing to put up with Zuckerberg’s shite. I must admit, at times it felt that some characters veered towards stereotypes, will the Winklevoss twins (or “Winklevi” as Zuckerberg calls them) being your standard jock bullies. Sean Parker ends up with the same kind of fate, being easily recognisable as that sleazy douchebag character than permeates American popular culture. Obviously, these people could be like that in real life, but I doubt it. My guess is they were shaken down to their identifiable characteristics to better fit the story.
Whilst having a favourite scene in this sort of film is a bit weird as I feel it should be considered as a whole, I loved the rowing scene (no homo) set to a fantastic version of “In The Hall of the Mountain King”. Saverin’s realisation (intentionally vague, but you’ll know it when it happens) is so well done you can’t help but feel gutted for him. The end is also surprisingly moving, although I’m not sure whether it was because I saw myself in Zuckerberg at that point or not. Thankfully, the film doesn’t give any flat out opinions on who is right and leaves it up to the viewer to decide.
“You know, you really don’t need a forensics team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you’d have invented Facebook.” 
The Social Network is brilliant. It’s not a perfect film, but it is so well constructed it can’t help but entertain. This fact is even more impressive considering the film is basically about a few billionaires squabbling over who came up with the idea of Facebook. If you can’t be arsed to read all I’ve written above and only have an attention span long enough to deal with status updates and the like, what I’m basically saying is:

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Actually been wanting to review this one for a while, but kept forgetting. This ends now.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

“Have you seen Scott Pilgrim yet?”, “When are you going to review Scott Pilgrim?”, “Just how do you make every single one of your reviews so damn funny?” and so on. When people cotton on to the fact I’m a sad bastard with more reviews under his belt than notches on his bedpost, they tend to ask if I’ve reviewed certain titles. The one that keeps coming up is Scott Pilgrim. People seem to really care about this film and I felt bad for not catching it in the cinemas. I shouldn’t have been so tough on myself as judging from the film’s box office, hardly any motherfucker went to go and see it. Still, let us not confuse box office takings with a film’s quality (so many people make this mistake).

“Prepare to feel the wrath of the League of the Evil Exes.”
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World unsurprisingly tells the story of Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera), a bit of a loser who falls for the literal girl of his dreams, Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). However, if Scott is to date Ramona he must fight and defeat her seven evil exes (no, I’m not going to list them all here). For those who haven’t read the comic, the plot is refreshingly new. It’s like an indie romcom crossed with Street Fighter II. For the best part of the film it works too. Michael Cera is that one character he plays over and over again, but there are enough funny lines to make this bearable. I liked Mary Elizabeth Winstead, but I’m not sure if it was because I find her insanely attractive or not. Of the exes, both the cinematic superheroes made me laugh (Chris Evans and Brandon Routh), with Evans’ Lucas Lee particularly cracking me up with his ridiculous voice. Scene-stealer extraordinaire though was Keiran Culkin’s Wallace Wells- Scott’s roommate who possesses the amazing ability to text at the speed of light, even whilst unconscious.

After the brilliant 8-bit Universal logo, the opening 15 mins of Scott Pilgrim annoyed me. It was like the opening of Juno with jumpcuts and added visual quirks. Much like that other Cera starrer, I felt it was trying way too hard to be liked. Still, I persevered and the film started to improve leaps and bounds. I began to find some of the visuals funny and started to enjoy it. Things really get a kick up the arse when Ramona’s first evil ex, Matthew Patel (Satya Bhabha), shows up and we get a Bollywood-inspired fight between him and Scott. The choreography is brilliant, but points would be awarded here anyway for Patel’s inspired “demon hipster chicks”. For a film that has so much fighting in it, the fight sequences are all unique and inventive. All credit goes to Edgar Wright and the fight choreographers who ensured that things are kept fresh.
I respect the film for having its hero actually be a bit of a douche. The way Scott treats his Chinese girlfriend Knives Chau (played fantastically by Ellen Wong) is nothing short of dickish. You truly empathise with Knives and urge her to find someone better than Prick Pilgrim. The comic book Scott is also a bit of a knob, so it’s not purely down to Cera’s perpetually awkward, squeaky-voiced portrayal.
Funny that I should follow my Paul review with this one, as it allows me to look smart by proving my own point. As I said in that 7 paragraph joygasm: “You just can’t be niche when you’re dealing with 8 digit budgets.” Scott Pilgrim is proof of this. It’s a niche title packaged for mainstream audiences. For all the lines that could have been in any comedy, such as the sardonic Kim line: “Scott, if your life had a face I would punch it.”, there are ten or so references (or should that be “Links”?) to things like the Legend of Zelda games that Joe Q. Seatfiller is going to miss out on. Sure, the film works without getting every geek reference, but I feel it alienated a big part of the mainstream audience the film was (wrongly) marketed to. I understood and appreciated most of, if not all the little nods, but I’m just one man with a misspent childhood. Your average filmgoer didn’t spend most of the ’90s staring at colourful moving pixels. They’re not going to be used to the idea of defeated enemies exploding into coins and the like. Even if they are, it’s not going to have the resonance that it does with people like me.
“When I’m around you, I kind of feel like I’m on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.”
Thing is, I really like Scott Pilgrim vs the World. It’s a lot of fun. As I said, the fights are great, the dialogue mostly decent and it has held up to repeat viewings in the way that so few films these days do. The film is destined for cult success on DVD/Blu-ray and I really heartily recommend you pick it up. It will divide opinion like a specially designed laserknife, but those who like it will like it hard. Those who aren’t fans can go elsewhere for their jollies. As one of my wise friends said: “How can you not like a film with the Vegan Police in it?”

Paul

I’d mention my long-ish absence from this blog, but you bastards probably didn’t even notice I was gone. Well, I was. However, I’ve decided I should write some more reviews lest my writing become stale and unimaginative. So let’s have a look at Paul, you…er…bastards.

 Paul (2011)
 
 Those walking into Paul expecting another Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz are going to be disappointed. Just thought I’d get that out of the way. For starters, it’s not the third film in the “Blood and Ice Cream” trilogy as it’s written by Pegg and Frost rather than Pegg and Edgar Wright. Secondly, whilst there’s plenty of nerdery in Paul, it’s definitely more mainstream and accessible than either Shaun or Fuzz.
“Three tits. Awesome.”
The basic story goes thusly: two British nerds, illustrator Graeme Willy (Simon Pegg) and “the writer” Clive Gollings (Nick Frost) are trekking across the USA in an RV. After making a pilgrimage to Comic-Con, the pair start visiting UFO hotspots. Along the way, they bump into an actual alien named Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen) who needs help with a matter of life and death. The duo then become a trio as they try and help Paul duck his persuers led by a leader known as “The Big Guy” and their right-hand man Agent Zoil (Jason Bateman). The plot is familiar, but not overly so. I can’t think of the last road movie to have an alien in a starring role. We’ve seen that the duo of Pegg and Frost simply works countless times now, so their interplay and chemistry doesn’t really score any points any more. I was pleasantly surprised as how well Paul was realised, with Seth Rogen putting in a decent comedic performance and being brought to life with some genuinely impressive CGI. I liked Kristen Wiig’s “God bothering cyclops” too. The supporting cast are a mish-mash of other big name comedians you’ve seen in fucking everything. Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, Joe LaTruglio and Jane Lynch all make an appearance. Although I like them, I really am getting sick of them being in every Universal comedy going.
 I did find Paul to be quite funny. The dialogue is usually snappy and there are some choice one-liners to keep you chuckling after you walk out of the cinema. If a comedy makes you laugh more than a handful of times, it can be judged a success in my book. However, this humour is a lot more “standard” than that found in Pegg and Frost’s back catalogue. It’s disappointing to sit there and feel like there’s something missing. The jokes aren’t bad or anything, they just don’t feel that new. I suspect the reason for this standardisation is the fact that Paul cost over 5 times what Shaun of the Dead did. You just can’t be niche when you’re dealing with 8 digit budgets.
There are some decent ideas in the film though. As one of those pesky athiests you read so much about, I really appreciated Ruth’s change in religious standpoint after meeting Paul. After getting a feel of the film’s broader (American) audience pleasing tone, I was genuinely surprised to see a character not only have a crisis of faith, but to lose all religious sensibilities completely.  I also loved the idea that Paul is not only responsible for some of pop culture’s biggest hits such as E.T. and the X-Files, but the reason why we think of aliens as little green/grey creatures with big heads. 
Having commented on the lack of niche appeal let me appear go back on myself by pointing out that there are a lot of pop culture references. Since the geeks inherited the Earth several years ago (there was a flyer and everything) I don’t count film references as niche any more. If standard cookie-cutter, crowd pleasing, money-in-the-bank snorecoms like The Other Guys can mention the Death Star without people being left scratching their heads, then it’s not niche. It’s just another standard joke type that Hollywood will run into the ground. That mini-rant may clue you in on my other big problem with Paul- it spends way too much time sucking off George Lucas and Steven Speilberg. I don’t mind homages if they’re done well, come from a place of genuine admiration and are used sparingly, nor do I mind the appreciation of Spielbeard and Luca$. What I do mind is the constant tips of the hat to their work. Paul contains so many nods and winks to Star Wars that if it was a person I’d be scared they were having some kind of seizure. There are obvious ones, such as Graeme’s Empire Strikes Back T-Shirt, but the film goes several steps further, having musical cues, lines of dialogue and famous shots all from that damned trilogy. I love Star Wars, but even I thought it was too much.
“There is an alien in our kitchenette making bagels and coffee.”
Paul is pretty good, but don’t be expecting more endlessly quotable lines and dark humour from the Pegg/Frost combo. It’s entertaining and really funny at times, but I expected more from it to be honest. That whole Star Wars thing I mentioned above really took me out of the film, but the non mega-nerds amongst you may not have the same problem with it that I did. It’s worth a watch, but it’s not an essential viewing.

The Green Hornet

I figured I might as well strike whilst the iron’s hot and review a film that has only just come out. I figured since The Green Hornet has had the shit marketed out of it (seriously, I can’t turn around without seeing billboards, trailers, TV spots and the like) I figured I’d check it out. Also, it’s a big budget action/comedy concerning superheroes so I won’t have to exactly stretch myself creatively for the actual review. Let’s roll, Kato!

The Green Hornet (2011)
Are they ever going to run out of superheroes to adapt for the big screen? Whilst they existed before (Superman, Batman and some oddball ones like Blade and The Crow), the 2000s really stepped this up and we’ve now had a good, solid decade of superpowers, nefarious villains and impractical costumes. My question is this- is there going to be a point where studio execs go to the superhero archives and find that all the good ones are gone and the ones left are either too obscure to adapt or too shit to even care about? Having said that, The Green Hornet isn’t exactly a superhero per se, but he definitely belongs in the Batman/Iron Man camp- i.e. in lieu of using their wealth to help in the form of buying new hospital wings and the like, they turn themselves into technology-aided superbadasses. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced it’s the most selfish way to help people ever.

“I want the head of The Green Hornet and I want it tonight!”
After newspaper mogul James Reid (Tom Wilkinson) unexpectedly dies, his son, partying layabout Britt (Seth Rogen) inherits his father’s wealth and estate. After being introduced to human Swiss Army knife Kato (Jay Chou), the pair get drunk and decide to fight crime using Kato’s mechanical skills and kung fu mastery as well as Britt’s money and newspaper connections to hype The Green Hornet. However, for every hero (or pair of heroes) there must be a villain- and this picture’s baddie is the forgettably named Chudnofsky (Christoph Waltz) a drug baron who seems preoccupied with his image and being feared. To complicate things, Britt also hires a new secretary, Lenore Case (Cameron Diaz) who captures the attention of both Britt and Kato. The plot is alright, but it has its problems. Chudnofsky is a weak villain, which is a shame considering that I enjoyed the pairing of Britt and Kato. It’s doubly a shame as Chudnofsky is played by the brilliant Christoph Waltz, whose performance as Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds is so ingrained in my brain I have to stop myself from saying “That’s a bingo!” at the most inopportune moments. As I said, I thought the pairing of Rogen and Jay Chou works well. Sure, Chou struggles with any line over a certain number of syllables, but Kato’s not exactly known for his ability to soliloquise anyway. Rogen is just Rogen really, so your general impression of the film will be heavily swayed by how you feel about that. Cameron Diaz is underused and seems to be purely into the film to give The Green Hornet to feed him information and give him the (green) horn(et).

Here’s where my quest to become a respected film critic stumbles slightly. I really enjoyed The Green Hornet. It’s tough to be certain in your convictions when paid, professional writers are slating whatever it is that you liked. Still, this blog ain’t about them- it’s about me. I found the film to be pretty funny at times- something which I wasn’t expecting since I find most Hollywood comedies as funny as a housebrick enema. Even though my higher brain function told me not to, I still laughed a shameful amount at the inclusion of Gangsta’s Paradise.The action is also really quite good, with some genuine ingenuity to be found between all the explosions and slow-motion shots. However, that whole “blowing up the speed camera” gag, proudly displayed in the trailer? C’mon- I know Johnny English isn’t a masterpiece, but some people have seen it. To rip it off so blatantly is an odd move. Director Michel Gondry doesn’t get to leave his own brand of weirdness on the film, but the occasional shot reminds that there is a more creative director behind this very polished “motion picture event”. The splitscreen showing the rise in gang activity in response to The Green Hornet’s actions is the first thing that comes to mind. Oh, before I forget- fuck the 3D.

Chudnofsky is definitely the main problem with this film. He’s not funny and the efforts to make him self-conscious smack of “needing to give him a thing” when it came down to the writing stage. Had it been handled better, maybe the change to Bloodnofsky could have actually made sense, rather than appearing like a lazy way to up the stakes in the third act. To use Waltz in this way is just a waste of talent. He can play charismatic villains, this we know. So why the flying fuck is he boring and unfunny in this film?

“I thought we were both badassess the other night. I kicked that guy in the face, like, three times remember? I kicked him in the face!”

Here’s where I have to be as objective as I can be. I have a high tolerance for action/superhero films and will still totally be on board with the fact that Powersman has to get the Gragnathor to defeat the evil Zardex long after most people have got up and left, muttering that Powersman II: Mr. Zardex Goes to Washington is too generic and unrealistic. I love these types of films. I’m also aware that not everyone shares my enthusiasm for them either, so I figured I would just say what I liked/disliked and leave it at that- y’know, like a fucking film reviewer or something. The banter between Rogen and Chou is better than I expected, which is a good thing as the film relies quite heavily on that to keep the story ticking along at a good pace. As I said, the action is fun too, with the unique “Kato-vision” adding a fresh twist on standard fight choreography. So, go and see The Green Hornet and feed back to me. It’d be interesting to find out whether I’m alone in this one or not. Anyway, as much as I’d like to give it a four, I know in my brain that just ain’t right.

Tron: Legacy

It’s already been an interesting start to the year for me, but try as I might, I can’t just watch a film without letting everyone know what I thought of it. So, I’m back here again, tippity-tapping my views down on my own slice of the ‘net. Anyway, I done seen some films so, let’s Tron it up.

Tron: Legacy (2010)
Now, I don’t know if you’ve seen the original Tron. If you have, I’m sure you’ll agree that despite its fun concept, it has aged badly. Of course it has- it’s an 80’s film which pioneered the use of computer graphics, I’d be very worried if it hadn’t. Still- it has a cult following (a phrase which instantly makes me think of sweaty nerds refusing to accept that whatever they like is shit) and after a very well-received Comic Con mock-up trailer, Tron: Legacy was born.
“The Grid. A digital frontier. I tried to picture clusters of information as they moved through the computer. What did they look like? Ships, motorcycles? Were the circuits like freeways? I kept dreaming of a world I thought I’d never see. And then, one day…” 

The basic story goes thusly: Cyber Jesus Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) has disappeared leaving his son, Sam an orphan. After 20 years, the now adult and conventionally attractive Sam (Garrett Hedlund) goes looking for his missing father after familar face Alan Bradley (Bruce Boxleitner) receives a mysterious page from Flynn Snr. Whilst snooping around, Sam gets sucked into The Grid, a dangerous computer world, which not only reunites him with his father and his new warrior sidekick Quorra (Olivia Wilde), but introduces him to a Fascistic, younger version of Kev named Clu (also Jeff Bridges) who wants to take over the computer world or some such bollocks. Now, by the very nature of being a sequel, the plot won’t feel fresh, but that aside, this path still seems very well-trodden indeed. I kept thinking of Jumanji and various other kids’ films I’ve damaged my brain with over the years. Of course, this isn’t bad– but it doesn’t win any points for originality. Jeff Bridges was pretty good as Kevin Flynn, although a bit too much effort went into making Flynn sound like The Dude from The Big Lebowski, what with ending almost every sciencey-babbly sentence with the word “man”. Garrett Hedlund is just a hairstyle and a marketable face and could have easily been played by any other actor like Chris Pine. I’m sure if you put a cow carcass in a cool-looking glowy suit, you’d have a similar portrayal, perhaps with less so-called badass lines before an action sequence kicks off. Olivia Wilde is the distractingly pretty equivalent of Hedlund, really, spending most of her screentime draped over/on things.

Tron: Legacy is quite a frustrating film. After the decent stylistic choice to not have the entire film in 3D (the dimensional shite starts when Sam enters The Grid) I was on board with what it seemed to be bringing to the table. The film didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get to The Grid and had a proper (albeit simplistic) story focus. The digi-shite hits the fan after the first couple of action sequences. The film seems to blow its load way too soon, with all the genuinely fun stuff happening soon after Sam’s arrival. After seeing the proper trailer, I was most excited for the updated lightcycle action. Whilst it was fun, it was too short to actually get into. I was expecting some kind of epic fight halfway through the film, but was let down by over-eagerness on the film’s part. The Disc Wars part was fun too. Well, the parts I saw. The combination of the spastic camerawork as well as the 3D made it quite hard to tell who was who. When Sam first fights a program, the fact that they’re wearing very similar suits made it tough to get what exactly was going on. Yes, it was cool when they started fighting on the ceiling, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that the sequence was badly shot and edited by some slack-jawed wanker.
 
I’m tempted to just tear apart how Clu was executed, but I can’t. Yes, he looks weird, yes he’s clearly a CGI creation, but the fact is human beings are very, very good at recognising our own. If there’s something amiss, we’ll find it, which is why kids at school always pick on the tall or short or fat or ugly. The de-ageing of Bridges is undeniably impressive, but it isn’t going to fool anyone. The sooner I accepted that, the sooner I started to enjoy Bridges’ performance as Clu. The one major problem I had was the fact that there’s a long train journey about three quarters of the way through that just seems to be there to explain some needless plot addition (think The Fifth Element). Firstly, to escape The Grid is meant to be difficult, so why the shit is there a dedicated train service? Secondly, the sheer volume of dialogue at this point is punishing. Instead of drip-feeding us plot-relevant information throughout, the film uses this time to infodump all of the things we need to know (plus several things we don’t), with the result that I simply didn’t care.
Now for the good points. I chose to get most of my whinging out in one block and end on something fairly positive, because Tron really doesn’t deserve the hate it has garnered from some corners of the Internet. The film’s visuals are genuinely stunning. I loved the look of The Grid and its inhabitants-everything looked either very chic, very flashy and just damn cool, even though the ol’ orange/blue look still somehow finds its way in. The use of 3D is almost justifiable here- which is probably the most I’m going to be impressed by 3D. The soundtrack, by Gallic robots Daft Punk, is fantastic too- mixing orchestral sounds and electronica like it ain’t no thang. I liked Michael Sheen’s Castor- a kind of whitewashed David Bowie character with echoes of The Riddler, even though he’s barely in it. The inevitable love stuff between Sam and Quorra is actually subtlely done and not once does the film decide to have them passionately neck each other or anything. In a film where recognising stuff from other films is a problem, I’m glad I didn’t have “standard lacklustre love story” to add to the list.
 
“Change the scheme! Alter the mood! Electrify the boys and girls if you’d be so kind.”
As I said, Tron: Legacy doesn’t warrant the e-bashing it has got. It is definitely an imbalanced film, with too much of the fun action weighted towards the start of the film (I know there is a climactic Lightjet dogfight, but I wasn’t really that impressed by it), but it’s really not bad. I definitely enjoyed parts of it, which was made all the better by the visuals. I suppose though, it is quite an average film in a very shiny wrapper (where have I heard that before?) and therefore I must score it as such: