Author: Ben Browne

Thor: The Dark World

 
“Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?”
 

 Thor: The Dark World (2013)

It’s odd to think that a few years back Thor was one of Marvel’s riskier properties. Thankfully in 2011’s Thor, they got the tone and characters just right and sprinkled the film with some fun moments and genuinely funny fish-out-of-water gags. I suppose the one criticism of the original film is that when shaken down to its elements, Thor is basically the same film as 2008’s Iron Man in terms of narrative (cocky hero gets everything taken from him, has to undergo massive personal change to be worthy of the power he initially had.) Of the Marvel canon, Thor offers a lot more possibilities than most as it has a whole Nine Realms to explore. The Dark World ups the ante considerably and has a lot of fun doing it. It’s a blast.

“You must be truly desperate to come to me for help. What makes you think you can trust me?”

Taking place years after he first came to Earth and helped defend New York from alien invasion, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) returns to our humble planet after learning that love interest Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) is in danger, possessed by a previously dormant ancient evil known as Aether. Dark elf leader Malekith (Christopher Ecceleston) also finds out about the Aether’s reappearance and vows to use it to restore the universe to its original dark state and exact his vengeance against Odin (Anthony Hopkins) and the Asgard legacy. Out of desperation, Thor turns to his traitorous brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) to help fight this new threat to Asgard and the Nine Realms. The story expands on Thor’s world well and gives us a fun realm-hopping adventure, ranging from the rock monster inhabited Vanaheim to good ol’ 21st Century London. All the actors are on top form here. One of the things I love about Hemsworth’s Thor is that there’s no ego in his performance. He embraces the inherent silliness of the character and as a result is a joy to watch. Natalie Portman is somewhat sidelined, but manages to resist many of the damsel in distress trappings. She’s smart and capable and I could have done with seeing more of her. Christopher Eccleston doesn’t leave much of an impact as Malekith, but this is due to poorly sketched motivation rather than any fault on his part. Despite being the main villain of the piece, it feels like he’s barely in it.  Eccleston does a good job with the barely-there character and made me wish he was better written so he could have something significant to build on. Talking point is obviously fangirl favourite Loki, who is focused on more than the actual bad guy. Loki is a textured, complex villain and Hiddleston nailed it right out of the gate. He’s still hugely fun to watch and it’s great not knowing which side he’s on from one minute to the next.

The film moves at a fast and furious pace, chopping and changing locations and storylines. Director Alan Taylor brings his Game of Thrones skillz to the party and as such the impressive battle sequences and general world building have proper heft to them and are certainly an improvement on the occasionally stifled first film. Unfortunately, the film fails to capitalise on these gains and contains a generic villain with vague revenge plans and little to no palpable beef with our hero. Malekith is angry at Odin’s father Bor, meaning that Thor inherits the rivalry third hand, rather than having any new and solid motivation to kick his Elven teeth in. Of course, Malekith kidnaps Jane along the way, but that shit’s so played out by this point, you’ll be forgiven for glazing over and checking the elasticity of your socks. The original Thor kept things nice and tight and only threatened a small American town in the arse end of nowhere. The Dark World puts the entire Universe in danger and as such it’s hard to get a feel for the stakes. The film is pacy to a fault and has barely any time for quieter character moments. Whole subplots are dropped at a moment’s notice (the Thor/Sif relationship for one) and it can feel like its in a rush to get to the climax. All the best little moments belong to Loki, including some genuinely fun banter between the two and an awesome cameo I wouldn’t dare ruin.

I’ve just this minute realised I sound like I’m slating the film. I’m really not. It’s insanely entertaining and another fine addition to Marvel’s ever-growing cinematic universe. I constantly complain that blockbusters are way too serious these days and The Dark World is the antidote to all that shoe-gazing poncery. It’s funnier than the first film too, with some cracking one-liners and gags to keep you chuckling in your seat. The fights are enjoyable and the final battle between Malekith and Thor is inspired and almost certainly the product of someone on the crew playing too much Portal.

I might be alone in this, but I felt the film had the horrible, sweaty stench of fan service about it. Loki is again the focus, which is fine, but I think it’s to the detriment of the film. My guess is a lot of Malekith’s stuff was shoved to one side so that the moistest of “Loki’s Army” fanclub have more bits of Jotunheim’s favourite son to make insipid gifs out of. Same is true of blatant fangirl insert character Darcy (Kat Dennings) who has evolved from “young person mentioning things like Facebook and iPods” to “fucking annoying presence with way too much screentime”. Some fan service is a given in films like these, but I think they got a little carried away with it in this one and as a result it’s a weaker film. Having said that, Darcy does get a nice callback joke that made me laugh quite a lot in spite of myself. I could have done with seeing more of the Lady Sif and the Warriors Three as well my personal favourite character, Heimdall (Idris Elba). They all get a token moment each, but they really could have spent more time exploring some of the more interesting side characters. Here’s hoping there’s an extended cut when the DVD/Blu-ray rolls around.

“It’s not that I don’t love our little talks, it’s just… I don’t love them.”

The Dark World is damn good fun. That’s enough for most people and I can’t argue with that. Despite being funny and enjoyable, I think it comes up a little short when compared to its predecessor. The story’s a little baggy and meandering and we have a villain who should be a total badass, but fails to deliver any real threat. A lot of the good outweighs the bad considerably and I am aware very few people care about narrative structure and all the other nerdy shit that I’ve been spouting over the past year. You’re damn near guaranteed to walk out of it with a smile on your face, like I did. There are not one, but two post credits scenes here, so strap a catheter on and lose yourself in Thor’s world once again. Recommended.

The Adjustment Bureau

 

The Matt in the hat.
 

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

Having not seen it since it came out, I’d been meaning to rewatch and review The Adjustment Bureau for a while. It had its terrestrial premiere last night and so I figured I’d strike whilst the iron was lukewarm. The main impetus for this review, however, was this rather nasty piece appearing in The Guardian. The writer, Stuart Heritage, basically slates the film in the smug, snarky way that I’ve just got so sick of reading lately. You should know by now that I love a good sneer, but the way these people write makes me seriously doubt their love of film and/or journalism. If it’s so fucking tortuous mate, Burger King are probably hiring. Anyway, the whole piece made me furrow my brow at the odd things he picked up on and his statement about the script being made up of insipid nothings and cloying Hallmark mawkishness. Well, them’s fightin’ words.

“Who the hell are you guys?”

“We… are the people that make sure things happen according to plan.”

The Adjustment Bureau follows Congressman David Norris (Matt Damon) as he runs for the Senate. He meets a dancer named Elise (Emily Blunt) and they instantly fall for each other. However, they lose contact and Norris becomes obsessed with finding her. Little does David know that there’s a shadowy agency called The Adjustment Bureau who are hell-bent on keeping them apart. Matt Damon is the likeable everyman he’s been in other films and he plays it well here. OK, so the “unlucky honest politician who sincerely wants to make the world a better place” angle is hackneyed, but you feel for Norris. He’s got some actual humanity to him and Damon’s a huge part of that. Emily Blunt isn’t really stretching herself either (acting wise- some of her ballet moves must require a ridiculous level of flexibility) but again, it works. The two make a believable pairing and you want them to succeed.

The thing I like about Bureau is that it’s basically something like The Notebook put through a sci-fi thriller filter. How many romantic films have you seen where the two leads meet randomly, sparks fly and after that they just can’t quite seem to get it together, constantly getting separated by various obstacles, misunderstandings and general bad luck? The film even goes so far as to include elements like her having a fiancé (i.e. a relationship serious enough to be an obstacle to our power couple, but still has enough wiggle room to be broken off) and him having a close friend who, like totally understands bro, and is there to confide in and give advice. In an age of an “Ah, fuck it, whatever” approach to greenlighting and moviemaking, The Adjustment Bureau tries something new and, to my mind at least, succeeds. The film isn’t about two special and attractive people who are just perfect for each other. It’s about every lightning bolt encounter and the start of a fresh, passionate and exciting relationship. It’s a universal message. Shit, I’ve felt something similar and the notches on my bedpost barely qualify as a scuff. Usually, our two romantic leads are sketched as broadly as possible so as to appeal to the largest possible audience. It’s the same here, except it’s not stupid things like “he’s too much of a manchild” or “she’s clumsy”. It’s smartly done. The misunderstandings and bumps along the way inherent to romantic films are personified by the Bureau, meddling and twisting things to fit some big plan. 

One of Heritage’s odder points is that the only reason the film works at all “is thanks to the audience’s knowledge of the actors, who play concentrated versions of their on-screen personas.” This may seem incredibly obvious, but casting a film can often be seen as filmic shorthand and it’s a form of storytelling in its own right. Elements of both an actor’s personal and professional life are often used when it comes to casting. Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark/Iron Man worked because we knew of his insane drugs n’ partying lifestyle beforehand. It fed in to our opinion of Stark and it was a bunch of backstory we brought to the party, fleshing the character out without the need for endless flashbacks and expository dialogue appearing in the film. Pre his recent McConnaissance, you could bet that if Matthew McConaughey signed onto a film, it’d be a dime-a-dozen tossed-out “feelgood” picture featuring him leaning on the poster, because that’s all he did for about 10 years. Same here. Damon and Blunt has been stunt cast to save time. They’re both naturally amiable leads who are easy to root for. They’re everypeople. The film moves at a quick pace and the sooner the audience is on board and buys into the central relationship, the better. 

All this chin-stroking and white knighting may lead you to believe that this is the sort of film I want to be buried with. It isn’t. It’s not perfect and has its fair share of flaws and things that stop it from true greatness. The sci-fi element of the Bureau and their powers don’t always mesh convincingly with the standard romantic thrust of the story. Especially when it turns out they have magical hats (cough). I’m not a huge fan of the massive religious overtones at the end, either. Religious symbolism/allegory is fine by me, but when it’s just bunged in at the end in a climactic speech instead of woven carefully into the film, it gives the impression the film is reaching for more and more things that might possibly resonate with the audience. With that particular point, to the film’s credit, it doesn’t explicitly say that they’re angels or whatever, thus avoiding some unfair It’s A Wonderful Life type comparisons.

“I don’t care what you put in my way, I’m not giving up!”

The Adjustment Bureau is a great film. Script wise, the dialogue could have done with a little tightening up here and there as some of the exchanges do border on the wrist-slittingly saccharine, but what the hell, it’s a romantic movie at heart after all- some things you can let slide. As well as doing a decent job of writing, it’s well directed by George Nolfi, who keeps the pace brisk and the tone consistent. The whole cast do what the do best and you can’t argue with that. I like romantic films but I’m often frustrated by how hollow and stupid they are. The Adjustment Bureau proves that with just a little effort and creativity, you can make the hackneyed and well-trodden feel fresh and exciting. Highly recommended. 

The Rocketeer

 
I’m not the man they think I am at home…
 
 

 The Rocketeer (1991)

I’m back, baby! Expect regular burblings from now on. Anyway, do any of you people remember Disney’s The Rocketeer? For me, it became a childhood classic. I’d taped it off the TV and watched the damn thing to the point of knackeration. After seeing it pop up as a limited release on Blu-ray, I jumped at the chance having not seen the film for close to 20 years, eager to see if it still holds up. You know what? It’s still bloody brilliant.

“[donning the Rocketeer helmet] How do I look?”

“Like a hood ornament.”

Set in 1938, The Rocketeer tells the story of stunt pilot Cliff Secord (Billy Campbell). After having their hopes of glory and fortune shattered, Secord and his mentor “Peevy” (Alan Arkin) find a top secret rocket pack prototype by chance and discover it’s been designed and built by Howard Hughes (Terry O’Quinn). Seeing an opportunity to make some much needed money, they hang on to it, keeping it a secret from everybody, including Secord’s actress girlfriend Jenny Blake (Jennifer Connelly). The pair aren’t the only ones interested in taking to the skies, however, as Hollywood A-Lister Neville Sinclair (Timothy Dalton) has hired the mob to retrieve the rocket for himself. Meanwhile, Secord’s antics earn him the attention of the press, who start printing fevered acticles about this new, exciting and mysterious Rocketeer and it soon becomes the talk of the town. Cue lots of whizz bang action an’ shit.

In a move that John Carter would repeat 20 years later and pay a similar price for, The Rocketeer was controversial for not having a “proper” star in the lead role. Actor Billy Campbell was cast despite being an unknown. As a kid, I never understood why Campbell wasn’t the most famous actor ever. He was a good looking guy with the reluctant hero thing down pat. Looking on with adult eyes, his performance is still a fine one, although he looks distractingly like a mix between Crispin Glover in Back to the Future and Ryan Reynolds. Alan Arkin does well as Peevy, giving us a stock mentor character that crucially doesn’t feel like a stock mentor character. The lovely Jennifer Connelly lovelies stuff up as Jenny Blake. Despite her character veering into standard damsel-in-distress territory at the end, she gives a memorable turn. Star of the show for me is Timothy Dalton as the Errol Flynn-a-like, Neville Sinclair. I love him in this film.  Whereas most actors would look at the script and play the role a bit tongue in cheek, Dalton commits to the role 100% and gives us a proper sleazy bastard to boo and hiss at.

The Rocketeer is a simple story, but it’s done very well. If you’re still struggling to picture what exactly The Rocketeer is all about, think Iron Man set in the Thirties with the pulp adventure tone of Raiders of the Lost Ark thrown in. It’s exactly as fun as that all sounds too. I’m happy to own up to my own bias as me and this film got history, yo. However, I feel The Rocketeer is exactly the sort of blockbuster they just don’t make any more. It has a very strong story focus with careful attention paid to characters. The film is chock full of foreshadowing, thematic links and everything else that makes a film a satisfying watch. Back in the ’90s, it may have been overlooked as simply being a run-of-the-mill functional blockbuster- today it looks like Citizen Goddamn Kane in comparison to most of the high budget dreck spunked into theatres.

The Rocketeer is a fascinating case study as if it had released about 10 years later, it would have fallen in line with the superhero trend and would have done a lot better than it ended up doing. When it came out back in the dizzle, it flopped pretty damn hard, despite a huge marketing push. It did particularly terribly in Britain, barely scraping £1 million over two weeks. Despite mentioning Iron Man, there’s a superhero film that resembles The Rocketeer even more. You heard of a small film called Captain Titfuckin’ America? Yeah. Both are directed by Joe Johnston and both have that lovely period feel to them. One of the things I loved about Captain America was how earnest everything was. Everything’s played straight down the line without a trace of the sort of cynicism and audience second-guessing that poisons modern blockbusters. The same is true with The Rocketeer. It’s a classic Boys’ Own adventure flick.

Despite ILM’s effects work being dated, the action still packs a punch. The flying scenes are fun and the grand finale aboard, in and outside of a huge Zeppelin is brilliant. I like the fact that Secord isn’t a superpowered badass when he straps on the rocket, he’s a squishy, easily hurt human being like the rest of us with an unpredictable combustible machine strapped to his back. It adds a real element of peril to the action sequences. The film’s slightly goofy at times and the lumbering character of Lothar (“Tiny” Ron Taylor) doesn’t really work. It’s a strange cartoony element that is at odds with the rest of the film. Maybe the comic does a better job.

“Prepare yourself for a shock: I’m the Rocketeer.”

“The Rocke-who?”

“Oh, for crying out loud, haven’t you read the paper?!”

“No, I’ve been working all day.”

We don’t have any quality control as kids. We’ll enjoy any old shit when it’s on. A childhood classic that is still enjoyable and watchable years later once you’ve had all your childish innocence and enthusiasm knocked out of you by a harsh, uncaring world is a very rare thing indeed. There’s been talk of a remake/belated sequel to The Rocketeer for a few years now. I’m usually against remakes on principle, but I’d be delighted if Disney announced they were doing something with it. Anyway, seek it out if you can. It’s a blast. (That’s not a rocket pun by the way, I’ve just used up all my brain power and it’s the only word I can think of that aptly describes what it is. I’m doing this extended bit in brackets because I couldn’t just end a review on something that could be interpreted as a shitty pun. Savvy?)

The Lone Ranger

 
The Tone Ranger
 
 

The Lone Ranger (2013)

 

Much like John Carter before it, the main story about The Lone Ranger is how much money it lost for Disney. It’s a certifiable flop. I wanted to see the film anyway, but the news of it stinking up the box office made me want to see it all the more. Perhaps I have some vulture in me on my mother’s side. I finally got to check it out this evening and I was left with a head full of questions. Not exactly the reaction you want from a popcorn summer movie.

“It was a ranger, riding a white horse. Got some lunatic Indian with him. They’re coming for you.“

The Lone Ranger starts off in 1933, where a young boy in Ranger costume visits a fun fair and a Wild West sideshow. In the exhibit, he finds a geriatric Tonto (Johnny Depp) who regales the kid with a story about the famed Lone Ranger and his adventures with him. We flash back to the 1800s where we see an idealistic lawyer named John Reid (Armie Hammer) return to the small town of Colby. After an ambush that leaves Reid, his brother and his posse dead, John somehow wakes up, leading Tonto to believe he is a “spirit walker”, someone who can’t be killed in battle. The duo team up to take down the outlaw Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner) ,a man with a penchant for eating people’s hearts, and soon discover evil and corruption run a lot deeper than a simple insane cannibal. It’s a fairly decent story, but it needlessly complicated for something that you’d expect to be a classic goodies vs. baddies affair. Johnny Depp plays Tonto like another one of his wacky characters and he’s likeable in the role, although it does teeter on the edge of racial insensitivity. Armie Hammer is also decent as John Reid/The Ranger, but is just another classically good-looking lead with not much going on. I think he’s got some real comic timing, but the script doesn’t really give him enough to work with. The duo of Hammer and Depp works well though and makes up for a lot of the plodding pace. William Fichtner is having all sorts of fun as Butch Cavendish and Helena Bonham Carter shows up because if she’s ever more than a few feet from Johnny Depp at any one time, she’ll explode with the force of a Megaton bomb. Probably.

Cynicism is something that hangs over all aspects of The Lone Ranger. Firstly, it has to be said that nobody has given a fuck about The Lone Ranger for decades. However, aspects of the show are still ingrained in pop culture and as such there is some name recognition and goodwill associated with the property, so they felt it was ripe for a big screen adaptation. It’s scraping the bottom of the barrel. That’s not to say they can’t take it and do something fun with it, it just strikes me as the result of a desperate 3 A.M. “bloodshot eyes and overfull ashtray” type meeting at the House of Mouse. This cynicism bleeds in to the actual product too. Apparently, it’s no longer the done thing to have a simple good vs. bad story. It has to be buried by things like revenge, greed, double-crossing, politics and all that fun stuff that kids definitely understand and seek out. I’d have thought that with something like The Lone Ranger, that would have been a given, but what do I know? Something struck me on the way home. I realised that only a select few of this generation of blockbusters will be remembered for years to come like the big event films from previous decades are. It’s almost as if they’re purposely designed to neatly slide off your brain without leaving any real impression. Maybe that’s why modern parody films suck so much. Maybe it’s because there’s nothing fresh or iconic to latch onto and start having fun with. Just a thought.

Unfortunately, Pirates of the Caribbean hacks Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio were brought on for this film and they show no sign of returning to their golden age of Shrek, The Road to El Dorado and Curse of the Black Pearl. You can tell Lone Ranger was written by the same gormless wankers that wrote shit like At World’s End. Lone Ranger actually has a clearer story than any of the Pirates sequels, but it’s weighed down by pointless scenes, crappy jokes and a lack of spark to the dialogue. It’s a bloated mess at times and certainly runs for too long. Helena Bonham Carter’s appearance is completely superfluous and pertains to a whole brothel sequence that didn’t need to be there at all. The main problem though is tone. I keep banging on about tone like people care and many don’t understand what the hell I’m talking about. Thing is, I can point to The Lone Ranger as a handy example from now on. One would assume that the target audience for the film would be families with slightly older kids, the same as the Pirates movies. However, this film keeps flitting between fun, knockabout action to some surprisingly dark shit. You’ve got Cavendish eating people’s hearts and a big war between the Comanches and the army that results in many violent, brutal deaths. It’s really odd. I’ve heard people say it’s too dark for kids, but I remember watching Temple of Doom at a young age and that has all sorts of dark business going on. The difference is that Temple of Doom had a consistent tone. Lone Ranger doesn’t know what the fuck its doing and alternates between the two modes scene to scene, resulting in you feeling disconnected from all the colour and noise happening on screen.

It’s not all bad. There is some fun to be had. As I said, the Depp/Hammer team works and the action can be fun. It’s well directed by Verbinski and has some gorgeous classic Old West vistas to appreciate. Perhaps the film’s saving grace is the climactic train sequence which is scored by Hans Zimmer’s brilliant reorchestrated William Tell Overture. Yeah, it’s manipulative but it elevates things by a huge margin. Even without the score, the scene is bucketloads of fun and features some amazing stunts and classic bits of derring-do. This is exactly the kind of thing I wanted from a Lone Ranger film. I found myself thinking why the whole fucking film couldn’t have been like the finale and it made me a bit sad. I was actually thrilled by the sequence, but it took so goddamn long to get there, it didn’t really feel worth it.

“Never take off the mask.”

So, The Lone Ranger. I enjoyed it in places, but it’s just another convoluted, turgid mess of a film posing as dumb entertainment. I love blockbusters with a passion that sometimes borders on the erotic, but I’m finding myself annoyed and disappointed by the big budget stable more often than not.  I want to have fun whilst watching a film like this, but apparently that’s too much to ask. I was left feeling rather hollow by the whole experience and if I wanted to feel that, I’d stare at my phone for two and a half hours, wondering why the girls aren’t calling. At least that way I’d have saved myself the best part of a tenner.

Elysium

 
#OccupyElysium
 

Elysium (2013)

I’ve been looking forward to Elysium for a long damn time. District 9 blew my mind when I saw it back in 2009. It was a fresh, compelling, brilliant piece of sci-fi that, to my mind at least, hasn’t been equalled by much since. Writer/director Niell Blomkamp has been disappointingly quiet since then, but thankfully he’s back with another true blue science fiction title with an actual brain.

“They will hunt you to the edge of the Earth for this.”

Elysium is set in 2154. Earth is now choked with pollution, disease and overpopulation. The wealthy and privileged got the fuck out of Dodge and live aboard Elysium, a utopian space station full of lush plant life, massive mansions and, crucially, amazing healthcare that can eradicate cancer, reconstruct grievous injuries and basically fix any ailment going. Matt Damon stars as Max Da Costa, a working stiff with a criminal past who dreams of leaving the dusty, grotty Earth behind and living on Elysium. However, Elysian Secretary of Defence, Jessica Delacourt (Jodie Foster) exists to keep a lid on immigration and will viciously protect its borders. After Max absorbs a lethal amount of radiation in an accident at work, his pipe dreams become imperative as he needs Elysium’s healthcare to survive. He pulls one last job in an effort to buy his way onto the space habitat and ends up with childhood friend Frey (Alice Braga) and her sick daughter in tow. Things get more complicated when Elysian agent and violent psychopath Kruger (Sharlto Copley) is sent to hunt Max down.

It may be set in the future, but Elysium‘s themes and social commentary are ripped straight from the present. Things like immigration, the gulf between rich and poor and socialised healthcare are all woven into the story. I would say that Elysium is quite an angry film at heart as is certainly not afraid to confront the audience with the points it wants to make and some uncomfortable truths. Matt Damon is on form here as Max. He’s a likable, sympathetic character that you really feel for. Damon is a damn fine actor and continues to be great in everything I see him in. Same can’t be said for Jodie Foster. I’m not quite sure if she remembers how to act. She’s normally decent, but it seems like she’s gone for cold and removed with Delacourt, overshot the acting sweet spot and ended up next to comatose. The polar opposite of that is Sharlto Copley, who plays the insane and dangerous Kruger with a sick glee. He’s seriously intimidating in this film and it’s another big fat tick in the “Sharlto Copley is the best thing ever” column. He owns the film. I liked Alice Braga’s role. She plays a similar character to the one she played in 2007’s I Am Legend and it works just as well here. You immediately root for her. Props go to William Fichtner’s oily CEO too. What a rat bastard.

As a writer, Blomkamp reminds me of Andrew Niccol. They both usually have a serious social/political point to make which acts as the core for when they’re making a film. They also can both be a little heavy-handed in making that point. Thematically, Elysium is similar to Niccol’s In Time as they both deal with the rich and poor divide and have a Robin Hood/giving back to the masses vibe. Directorially, Blomkamp stands alone. He’s an innovative, intelligent director who manages to inject his films with a energy and heft. He’s great at visuals too. There’s an amazing slo-mo shot of a bodyguard droid getting torn apart by airbursting, splitting rounds that’s absolutely gorgeous. Elysium itself is fantastically designed too. It’s a 2001-esque rotating wheel that’s like Beverly Hills inside. Unlike most modern sci-fis Elysium takes its time building its world and it pays off. The slums of Earth feel very real and Elysium has an intentional artificiality and has a real Stepford feel to it.

Action meatheads like m’self will be gratified to know that Elysium isn’t like a flat Powerpoint presentation of all that is wrong with the world. The film has some kick-ass action sequences too, that prove to be thrilling. Most of the fun is thanks to the awesome sci-fi weaponry and Max’s exoskeleton rig which grants him superhuman strength. Seriously, can Blomkamp do a videogame or two, please? The fun, gory weapons in this and District 9 would be perfect for a game. Somebody call him. Anyway, the action feels like it happens organically, almost as if the story came first and action beats were added where it made sense. Fancy that! Fancy not starting with action sequences and then trying to tie them all together somehow.  As with District 9, the effects are amazing and often border on photo-realism. A character has to have pretty severe reconstructive surgery at one point and I was stunned at how amazing and convincing the effects were.

If I had to pick holes in it (and I do, it’s kinda my thing), I would say that Elysium isn’t without its problems. It took me a while to get properly into it, although I’m not sure why. I was appreciating the acting/effects whatever, but I didn’t feel actually involved in it all until later in the film. Perhaps a second viewing would clear that up. Whilst not bashing you over the head with its message like the first half of District 9 did, it still bangs on about its messages a little too much where a deft touch would have sufficed. I suppose this is to really spell these important issues out for the plebs out there. Elysium succumbs to a trend that I’ve noticed in quite a few recent films- clumsy flashbacks and pointless reminders. I’m being intentionally vague here, but we flash back at a pivotal moment in the film to a moment we’ve already seen and should have taken on board. To me, it slightly ruined the moment as the film didn’t have enough confidence in the audience to remember something that happened in the first half of the film. Instead of concluding a thematic arc quietly and neatly, it instead has to draw attention to it through a neon bullhorn, which tarnished the scene slightly.

“”There’s nothing left down here. They have it all on Elysium, food, water, medicine, and they’ll do anything to keep us out. It’s time to change everything.”

Go and see Elysium. It’s a smart, enjoyable sci-fi piece that has a lot to say for itself. After a disappointing summer, Elysium is a breath of fresh air. I look forward to 2015’s Chappie (also starring Sharlto “The Man” Copley) with great anticipation. Highly recommended.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

 
Sophomore slump.
 

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)

 

I miss Twilight and Harry Potter. I miss Potter because of its quality and I miss Twilight because it was a phenomena I understood, even if I wasn’t its biggest fan. We’re now in a world full of Potter and Twilight pretenders where there are only a few established teen fantasy series left and of those only The Hunger Games is any good. Everything else is a faltering attempt to try and kickstart a franchise and make piles of “fuck you” money. Having rated the first one, I was quite excited to see where the series goes. Would it go darker like so many second parts before it? Turns out, no. It’ll just stop trying.

“Couldn’t find any decent quotes, but it’s no big loss.”

We rejoin Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) at Camp Half Blood, where he’s training hard to prove he’s not a “one quest wonder”. He’s again joined by pals Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario) and Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) and together they have to re-establish the life-saving magical barrier around the camp by finding the legendary Golden Fleece. It’s not as simple as all that though as the camp’s top warrior, the combative Clarisse (Leven Rambin), has already been sent out to find it. Percy learns he has a half brother in the form of awkward cyclops Tyson (Douglas Smith) and the four have to sneak out. Traitor Luke (Jake Abel) meanwhile has plans to reawaken Kronos, the baddest god of them all, and destroy Olympus. Well, shit. The story’s solid enough but it can’t help but feel like it’s going through the motions. The leads are pretty bland this time round and it’s hard to care about Percy or his cohorts, although Brandon T. Jackson is trying his best with the sloppy material. The only bright spot come from the adult camp, where Stanley Tucci and Anthony Head (replacing Pierce Brosnan) do good work as mentors for the heroing kids. Nathan Fillion shows up as Hermes and improves things immensely for the few minutes he’s around, even getting a laugh out of a lame self-referential Firefly gag.

The hiring of half-decent writer Marc Guggenheim to replace the hacktastic Craig TItley is good on paper, but turns out Guggenheim’s worse. The main problem with the film is the flaccid writing, with its plodabout questing, crappy jokes and boring functional lines used to dump exposition on the disinterested viewer. The first film, whilst not endlessly quotable, had some spark and had some energy to the dialogue, but this film ignores that and finds new levels of awful to plunder. I kept waiting for the interactions to become fun, but when I got to the climactic fairground scenes, I realised I was shit out of luck.  It had the same problem as Guggenheim’s Green Lantern, in which I wanted the writing to match the fun tone of the film. Dude wouldn’t know decent dialogue if it jumped up and bit him in the face. The character that personifies all this is Clarisse, who is just a cartoon sketch of an arrogant rival who has to take a hackneyed journey of personality and evolve into a reluctant ally. Neither mode is convincing and I found myself wondering if the character in the book is just as one-dimensional. Leven Rambin actually does a good job as her, but she needed decent lines and a clear arc to back up her performance.

The film starts off well enough with a fun training setpiece and an attack on the camp by a raging mechanical bull, but it soon unravels into a boring quest. After defending the first one from the Potter comparisons and insisting that it was better than a crappy rip-off, Sea of Monsters doesn’t leave me a leg to stand on by being hugely derivative to the point of distraction. There’s a scene where the gang hail a magical taxi that’s so similar to the Knight Bus sequence from Prisoner of Azkaban, I started to wonder if they were even trying at all and how soon Warner’s lawyers would be on the phone. A lot of the action involves unconvincingly rolling around backed by a greenscreen as as such ends up being pretty boring.The film ends with an uninspired showdown at an abandoned theme park and it was hard to shake the feeling that I’d seen it all before. During said scene, there’s a bit where the process of bringing Kronos back is almost complete. Instead of yanking the Golden Fleece off the ark (which looks suspiciously like the Ark of the Covenant), Percy chooses to patch things up with Tyson, hugging him right next to the fucking ark, still pissing golden magic into the sky. It’s just lazy. Reunions can happen later and nobody would choose to do it right then and there when there’s a chance to stop an ancient evil from coming back. I’ve said it before, but the dismissive argument that it’s “just a kids’ movie” doesn’t hold water. It doesn’t matter what age your audience is, they deserve a decent story in exchange for handing over their money. They held up their end of the bargain.

The one decent thing are the effects, with some decent CGI bringing some mythical creatures to life. The Hippocampus is a highlight as is the aforementioned metal bull. However, good effects do not make up for a crappy story and you’re left with a hollow shell of a film. I’m annoyed because the first film showed so much promise and had so much potential. I was eager to see more of the modern takes on Greek mythology, but was left wanting. The elements are still there, like the Golden Fleece, but they’re not done with the same panache as before. The direction by the fantastically named Thor Freundenthal is good enough, but the acting and writing need a real kick up the arse. If Sea of Monsters gets a sequel (although current box office numbers would suggest it won’t) I would start there as a priority. Maybe concentrate on the basics first Guggers, before you go setting up a sequel that probably won’t see the light of day.

“Fridge freezer for sale. Broken door and missing shelves, otherwise fine. £500 ONO”

I feel really let down by Sea of Monsters. It’s not completely terrible, but it doesn’t do enough to mark itself out from the slew of other teen fantasy films out there and gets lost in the shuffle. It’ll play well to its undemanding target audience, but to anyone else it’s a slog. Bah. I think the series author put it best. when informed that there’s a zombie character named after him in the film:

Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

 
Dawson’s Greek
 

 Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief (2010)

 

Whenever I mention the Percy Jackson series to anyone over 15, I’m usually greeted with gormless blank stares or harsh judgement about the fact I want to talk about an apparently inconsequential Harry Potter rip-off.  Having not read the books, I can’t attest to how faithful the film is (although a leisurely browse through pages and pages of reviews titled things like “Did they even READ the fucking book?!” would suggest the answer) so I’m only going on what the film brings to the table.

“Give me the bolt, lightning thief.”

Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (known as the streamlined Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief here in good ol’ Blighty) is shockingly about a kid named Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman), a seemingly average teen who finds out he’s the son of legendary Greek god Poseidon (Kevin McKidd). He’s whisked off to Camp Half Blood, a training ground for other demigods, by his pal Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) and discovers that he is blamed for stealing Zeus’ (Sean Bean) bolt, something which will start a war amongst the gods. Under the guidance of Mr. Brunner (Pierce Brosnan) and with the help of the kick-ass Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), Percy embarks on a quest to prove his innocence and rescue his mother (Catherine Keener) from the clutches of Hades (Steve Coogan). Truth be told, Percy Jackson doesn’t really stray too far from the standard kid fantasy plot. Teen finds out he’s special, learns to harness that power, saves the world and promotes the hell out of the originating book series. Some of  the Potter comparisons do hold water, but I’ll get back to those in a minute. Logan Lerman is decent as Percy. He’s a bog-standard, good-looking lead and that’s fine for this sort of thing. Brandon T. Jackson impresses as the affable Satyr Grover and gets some choice lines. Alexandra Daddario is good too, but is mostly used as a love interest puppet rather that an actual human being (or demigod, whatever.) There’s some genius bits of casting. If you ever wanted to see a bearded Pierce Brosnan as a centaur, this is the film to hunt down. The burning question for me is how the production company got hold of my teenage sketchbook. Steve Coogan as a goth rock dad version of Hades is brilliant too. He’s not in it much though, but I feel any more screentime would have given him the ability to completely walk away with the film tucked under one arm. Uma Thurman also gets to ham things up as Medusa and Rosario Dawson is great in the limited role of Persephone.

So, back to all that “Boy Who Lived rip-off” shit.  It is true that Jeremy Paxman and the Frightening Queef shares some DNA with the boy wizard. Certainly, the very reason it was made was to give Fox a stab at the supernatural teen adventure franchise market. Christ, they even brought in Chris Columbus, director of the first two Potters to helm it. Thing is, as much as I love it, Potter wasn’t exactly 100% totally original to begin with. Take any ’80s kid fantasy film and shake it down to its bare bones and you’ll find the same thread that runs through Potter and Percy Jackson. To dismiss it as a simple rip-off is to do the film a disservice. It’s got much more going for it than a simple cashgrab. It plays with some decent ideas and contains some neat little twists on the familiar Greek myths. For instance, if you’re up on your myths, you’ll know that the gods were a randy lot of bastards who couldn’t keep in in their armoured pants. They would often visit Earth and impregnate mortals before buggering off back to Olympus, presumably out of the reach of any child payment responsibilities.  As such nearly all the campers at Camp Half Blood have absentee parents. As Hermes progeny Luke puts it: “Guess we all got daddy issues, huh?”

One of the highlights of the film for me was a scene at “Aunty Em’s Garden Emporium”, a dilapidated garden centre filled with suspiciously realistic stone statues. It manages to be creepy and fun in equal measures. It’s definitely better than the CGI overkill Medusa fight in the craptacular Clash of the Titans reheat, which also came out in 2010. Whilst the “whorish product placement” klaxon can be justifiably be sounded, I loved the neat little twist of Percy fighting Medusa via the reflection off the back of his iPod, rather than the customary mirrored shield. I’d be screwed in the same situation, the back of mine is scuffed to fuck. There’s also a fun scene in Vegas where our trio fully sample what casino life has to offer. It’s a nice spin on the Lotus-eaters of legend.

The film does have its problems. The screenplay and writing are rather perfunctory and aren’t anything to write home about, Then again, what would you expect from the writer of such classics as the live action Scooby-Doo, See Spot Run and Cheaper By The Dozen? It doesn’t really take any time to build palpable world and just shoves our main three heroes from one scene to the next with barely any time to develop.  Just because it’s a kids’ movie doesn’t mean you can’t flesh out your leads a bit.

“Be prepared. Everything is about to change, Percy.”

So, Percy Jackson. I like it very much. I’ve got a soft spot for Greek mythology anyway and as far as I can see, the film takes some of the classic stories and repackages them in an accessible, entertaining way. It’s not groundbreaking and certainly not essential viewing, but it’s an enjoyable film that doesn’t deserve the dismissive hand waves given to it by the majority of the critical sector.  Sea of Monsters next.

Batfleck, D.C. and a distinct lack of Wonder

It’s easier to eat your words when they’ve been physically printed on something.

 

I talk about comics and comic adaptations a lot on here. I can’t help it, I’m a massive fan of superheroes and like it or not, superhero films are as ubiquitous now as Westerns were back in the day. Having grown up with Marvel, I’m usually more invested in what’s going on that side of the fence, but I like a lot of the D.C. roster too. I just enjoy comic book films. This isn’t a tiresome Us vs. Them, Pepsi vs. Coke scenario.

I’m totally baffled by D.C.’s cinematic strategy. It’s a fucking trainwreck. It seems that if it’s not Batman, they can’t make it work. After jealously eyeing that huge stacks of cash Marvel brought in with their shared cinematic universe and Avengers megahits, D.C. decided they wanted some of that money pie too. Man of Steel was the first step towards the long-gestating Justice League film and it shattered its ankle straight out of the gate. It was a hit, but not the fuckingmegahit they wanted. Plus, I’m sure the critical reaction to its questionable tone and lack of basic heroics stung them too. Unlike most sweaty nerds, I didn’t frost my jeans at the prospect of a Batman/Superman flick, especially as it’s a sequel to Man of Steel, not its own separate thing.

The one thing that has me interested in Man of Steel 2: Hey kids, this one has Batman!  is the casting of Ben Affleck as the Dark Knight. Honestly, I think it’s a fucking brilliant shout. Affleck is a great actor and director and I really think he’ll bring a lot to the role. The fallout from this news was mental, people bitching and moaning about Affleck and especially his role in 2003’s Daredevil.  Firstly, I would advise people to go back and watch the Director’s Cut of Daredevil and find out just how overblown the hate is for it. Secondly, even if you take into account things like Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, Gigli and Daredevil so fucking what? Affleck has proven himself a fantastic actor and director time and time again with films like Hollywoodland, Argo and The Town. He reinvented himself. I don’t see the same criticism being levelled at Matthew McConaughey, despite him slumming in dire romcoms for a while before landing some choice roles and increasing his stock as a legitimate actor. Let’s not forget the instant kneejerk responses to Michael Keaton’s casting as Batman back in ’89, or more recently, the news of Heath Ledger being cast as the Joker for The Dark Knight. I can genuinely see people eating some huge slices of humble pie when Affleck finally dons the cowl.

Anyway, the one thing that really bugs me about D.C. and their rush to get to the Justice League film is the lack of Wonder Woman. There are three core members of the Justice League: Bats, Supes and Wonders. I’d have thought D.C. would have been all over a Wonder Woman film before getting into to JL business. It’d be like an Avengers flick without Captain America. Plus, let’s face it. D.C. are lagging behind Marvel at this point. They’re rushing to compete in a market which has already been won by The Avengers. Shit, Age of Ultron will be have been out for years by the time the Justice League comes to cinemas in 2017. Here’s the thing, who’s to say there will be the same demand for superheroes in four years’ time? Maybe the bottom will have fallen out of the comic book film market by then. I hope not, but it could happen.

I would think they’d have been trying to identify gaps in the market or a way they can offer something unique- maybe like a fucking superheroine flick, something which Marvel aren’t concerning themselves with for the forseeable future. They’re making a Flash film, so why not one for everyone’s favourite Amazonian? Wonder Woman is ripe for a big budget adaptation and the only reasons I can fathom as to why they’re not pursuing it is to do with a blinkered view of the audience and basic, grotty sexism. In case you haven’t left your house for the past 10 years, superheroes are as mainstream as you can get right now. Studios are always looking to cater to the audience they don’t have rather than concentrating on the audience they do.  Why something that has the potential to bring in even more females into the multiplexes isn’t being exploited to shit is completely beyond me. Isn’t that what big business does?

To summarise:

1) Shut the fuck up ’bout Da Fleck. He’s going to be brilliant.

2) Make a Wonder Woman film, you stupid bastards.

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa

 
Back of the net, kiss my face, cashback,  Jurassic Park etc.
 

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (2013)

I’m always wary of feature-length adaptations of TV shows.  Often, the idea of a beloved TV character cutting loose on the big screen is a lot more fun that what actually transpires. It shames me to say it, but British TV shows into films are usually the worst. I mean, Keith Lemon: The Film? That’s the best we as a country can do? Ali G Indahouse wasn’t much better either. The only one I can think of as being a legitimate success is In The Loop. Anyway, the prospect of an Alan Partridge film, one of my favourite comedy characters, had me worried. Who’d have thought that this year I would have been disappointed by Man of Steel and Star Trek Into Darkness, but not Alpha Papa? No need to answer that question, dearies. It’s all rhetorical, innit.

“That was soft rock cocaine enthusiasts Fleetwood Mac…”

When his radio station is taken over by a huge media conglomerate, Alan Partridge (Steve Coogan) finds himself in a difficult position when newly fired DJ Pat Farrell (Colm Meaney) busts back into the building with a shotgun and holds people hostage. Whilst Partridge initially escapes, it turns out that Farrell won’t talk to the police and has specifically requested Alan to head back into the station and become the negotiator.  I’m surprised that they were this bold with the concept. With a film like this, I’d have expected it to go two ways. 1) The same basic set-up (corporation wants to take over small, but popular thing) and then have some sort of charity drive/protest to raise the £500,000 they need to save the radio station or whatever or 2) Partridge goes to America and ends up in all sorts of overseas fish-out-of-water, cultural misunderstandings shenanigans.  Thankfully, the film doesn’t either of those. It knows that Partridge is at his best outside of his comfort zone and this film is all about taking that to the extreme. Coogan has been playing Partridge for about 20 years now, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s great. Colm Meaney also puts in some fine work as Pat, giving us a bad guy with understandable motives. He’s desperate rather than evil and it’s dealt with a deft touch. Tim Key is also decent as Partridge sidekick Simon. The thing I appreciated most though was the return of mousy browbeaten assistant Lynn (Felicity Montagu) and Geordie pal Michael (Simon Greenall) from the I’m Alan Partridge series. Both get moments that had me beaming out of genuine affection for the characters.

Cards on the table. I laughed a hell of a lot during Alpha Papa. It’s been ages since I laughed so much during a film my face hurt by the end of it.  From the inspired opening lip-sync to Roachford’s “Cuddly Toy” to a trademark Partridge social faux-pas or twelve, I was giggling like a little schoolgirl. Despite the gag count being high, none of it felt like a betrayal of the character we all know. Alan is still Alan and that’s the highest praise I can give. Despite all the stakes being significantly higher than the intentionally low key TV show, all the little cringeworthy bits and moments of needless pedantry are preserved. Perhaps just as important is the tragic, sympathetic side of Alan and this is wisely kept too. Partridge is a tragic character when it comes down to it. He’s goofy and socially awkward but there’s a real sadness to him that I think has kept him popular for over two decades.  There are certainly moments that are unexpectedly touching and it makes the comedy all the greater. Here’s a handy comparison point for you when someone asks the difference between American and British comedy : compare the usage of 80’s empowering cheese classic “You’re the Voice” in this film to its usage in the LOLZ OMG SOOO RANDUM Hot Rod. Fuckin’ worlds apart.

There are a few things that don’t quite work. Some of the dream sequences aren’t particularly brilliant and they kill the pacing. Some of the gags, especially the “turd in a lunchbox” scene feel like they belong in a raunchier, gross-out fest rather than a Partridge feature. These are very minor quibbles though.

“Today we’re asking: what is the worst monger? Iron, fish, rumour… or war?”

Alpha Papa is the funniest comedy I’ve seen in a long damn time. The treacherous transition from the small to the big screen works because they remain true to the character without sacrificing some of the intricacies for laughs from the dumbus plebs out there.  It’s textbook Alan.

Kick-Ass 2

 
Not quite the Millar’s tale…
 

Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

After seeing the original Kick-Ass in 2010, I rushed out to get the source material, only to find huge deviations between what was on screen and what was in the panels. The comic ended up quite downbeat and depressing, whereas the film went for a more generic happy ending. Being ahead of the curve this time, I read Kick-Ass 2 before seeing this film.

“I try to have fun. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

Some years have passed since Dave Lizewski (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) caused a stir by becoming the first real life superhero, Kick-Ass. After losing her father, Mindy Macready aka Hit-Girl (Chloë Grace Moretz) is struggling to adapt to high school life. Chris D’Amico (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) wants revenge on Kick-Ass and reinvents himself as the world’s first supervillian, The Motherfucker. Chris assembles a villainous crew, fantastically named “The Toxic Mega Cunts” and together they wreak havoc. Coincidentally, Kick-Ass has also joined a group, a team of do-gooders known as “Justice Forever”, led by Colonel Stars and Stripes (Jim Carrey). Kick-Ass 2 felt like it was trying to emulate the first film. It certainly doesn’t have the edge the original Kick-Ass had. This could partly be down to the fact it’s a sequel, but I think it’s mostly down to the film intentionally pulling its punches. It’s nowhere as visceral as the first. The story’s half decent, but things are pretty predictable. Once you have the two groups all properly introduced, the third act featuring a confrontation and a smackdown between the two teams is a given. The writing also isn’t nearly as sharp. There were some choice Hit-Girl lines in the first one. The memorable, precise swearing of the first has been replaced with a scattershot approach, believing you can say “fuck” at any point in a sentence and have it still be as funny. It ain’t, Of the new blood cast-wise, there are a few highlights. I thought Carrey’s bat-wielding born again Christian Colonel Stars and Stripes was great and is the real heart of the film. A mention also has to be made of Donald Faison’s Dr. Gravity. Faison makes him likeable thanks to his natural enthusiasm and eagerness. Of the Toxic Mega Cunts. Mother Russia (Olga Kurkulina) is the clear star. She’s a big, hulking Ivan Drago type that is just a joy to watch.

I’m not sure why the film is called “Kick-Ass 2”, as it’s Hit Girl’s film.  Kick-Ass himself is relegated to being a bit-part player for most of the runtime.  The idea of Mindy trying to fit in with the popular girls is fun, but most of it is boring.  It’s the standard Mean Girls stuff without the wit. However, Mindy’s efforts at fitting in give way to a brilliant scene where she discovers her libido whilst watching a pop video featuring teen dreamboats and glistening abs. It’s funny and sweet in equal measures and Moretz plays it perfectly. It’s great that despite her lack of a childhood, beneath it all Mindy’s just as susceptible to boy bands as any other normal teenage girl.  With Kick-Ass being sidelined, other things fall by the wayside. Despite significant things happening to him, he’s given no arc whatsoever. It’s odd that they’d give the lead character fuck all to do.

I’ve never liked lines like “This isn’t a movie, this is real life”. It’s a meta joke that always draws me out of the experience. Kick-Ass 2 doesn’t shut up about this being “real life, not a comic book”. It’s strange then that the film has super-cartoony moments, like some bitchy girls vomiting and shitting themselves with the same force as some of Tarantino’s squirtiest squibs. or a van sequence involving Hit-Girl which uses a distracting amount of green screen. You want to proper, more realistic take on real life costumed crusaders? Watch James Gunn’s Super. The film wisely pulls back on the darker moments in the comic.  It has to be said that some of Millar’s nastiness doesn’t sit well with me. Undoubtedly the darkest part of the comic is a scene in which Katie Deauxma is gang-raped by The Motherfucker and his crew. There’s a moment in the film where I genuinely thought they were going for it. However, the film feints and plays it for laughs, which is fine, but I wonder why they did it at all.  The off-screen beating they go with is only marginally less nasty. It’s one of several tonally inconsistent moments in the film that prevents you from fully engaging with what they’re bringing to the table. If a film can’t settle on a tone, then you end up strangely disconnected and are less likely to care about anything that’s going on.

Highlight of the film for me was Mother Russia’s rampage, where she single-handedly takes on a squad of policemen. The sequence isn’t something we’ve seen before unlike most of the film’s other scraps and it’s genuinely thrilling. It wins massive bonus points by scoring the whole escapade with the Tetris theme. Another selection for my Scenes of the Year list, I think.

Do you remember a small picture from about a year ago called The Dark Knight Rises? Remember how frustrating it was to have an enfeebled Bruce Wayne train up to return as Batman only to be knocked back to square one by Bane as soon as he dons the cowl, meaning we had to sit through yet more fucking scenes of him training up to be Batman again? Well, in this film, Kick-Ass and Hit Girl both quit, come back, quit and finally return once more and it’s similarly frustrating. I got the feeling they were treading water until the third act. Quitting the hero business is fine, to not know whether you’re coming or going and artificially padding out the runtime with pointless repetition isn’t.

“You don’t have to be a badass to be a superhero. You just have to be brave.”

Kick-Ass 2 is a mixed bag. I enjoyed it whilst it was on, but as soon as the credits rolled and I starting reflecting on it, it started to fall apart. It’s not as sharp or as funny as the original and it has some real tone problems that let it down heavily. Overall, fairly good. I wanted to like it a lot more than I ended up liking it though.